To be honest it wasn't until much later in my career that I began to realise that even though I had the knowledge of the quote, my application was out of kilter and I think I had become blasé about what made me 'tick'. Strip this quote back further and to me it means;
What drives me?
What motivates me?
What makes me, Me?
Why am I here? (deep I know!)
On a practical level, it is:
How do I learn?
What influences me?
What leader/trainer/coach am I?
How am I perceived?
The first part of this blog is dedicated to helping you 'be able to lead yourself'. It seems the appropriate place to start. Helping us redress the balance on this issue. It is about 'Understanding Self', and doing this in a way that is proactive, not reactive.
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Moments of truth
In life we constantly get Moments of Truth, those never to be repeated moments that we make decisions on. They may be slow burners, high octane, or both. The second time I heard the quote 'To lead others you must first be able to lead yourself' was 6 months after having experienced one of these Moments!!
My Moment of Truth started in Nightclub (a nightclub, I remember them!). I was with friends, long before the arrival of 2 boys, when my wife and I were what is commonly known as Pre-Nesters!
My career and life (on the surface) was doing well, nice job, very nice car, nice house, but for me I felt somewhat a 'fraud'.
Things came to a ahead in that nightclub when asked if I was alright I replied 'I just can't stop thinking about work'.
I knew I was stressed, and I needed to get things back on track. I admitted to myself I wasn't coping. My focus was too much on work and not enough on my closest family and friends. (if only I could have gone back in time share what I know now, but then again I would not be writing this blog or be who I am now in that case).
At the time somehow I managed to take action, I told myself that 'I was not OK'. I cannot begin to say, and especially not on this blog or in words, how brilliant my family were, as I eventually plucked up the courage to tell them that I was not in a good place.
With my wife's support I decided to resign from what people had called a 'brilliant job'.
Now I am not advocating people leave, as the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side, but for me this seemed right. Fortunately the next step on my career ladder, brought things back in line. Working with an inspirational bunch of people that literally helped me get my life and career back on track!!
Life can be full of regrets, especially when it comes to balancing work and life. Striving to be brilliant at work, versus the need spend time with family and friends. I had lost a sense of this!
On my workshops we often discuss ambitions and motivation, and it is amazing to see what people state as their ambition, ranging from promotion, money, holiday house, health, happiness to variations of balance. I recognise from this exercise that people are so very different, even down to the interpretation of what certain things represent. An example is the definition of happiness.
To one happiness may be a family gathering to celebrate a significant event, to another it may be being with friends on a trek up the side of a mountain! There really is no right or wrong here as to what the real definition is.
The key is to have your ambitions in perspective.
Nothing struck me more than a example given on one of my workshops [NB story tweaked to respect their privacy].
Speaking of their recent redundancy from an organisation this person asked the group, 'what do you think I got to show for 20 years loyal service?'. The common answers from the group were 'Carriage clock? Watch?'
This individual simply looked at the group, and said 'Argos vouchers!'
The group laughed.
He continued 'Argos vouchers, and 2 teenage sons I do not know!'
Wow! What a powerful story to help put things into perspective. This is exactly how I had visualised my own career/life path, had I not have taken the correct action.
I love how Stephen Covey put this in his inspirational book, 'Seven Habits of Highly Effective People'. He talks about spending your time climbing the ladder of success, only to realise it is against the wrong wall!
I hadn't realised since my initial training on motivation and drivers, how much I'd changed! Life has moved on. I am now a Dad, Husband and have that much more experience, and different roles. So when I challenged myself about who I was, I didn't really know, and therefore I was not in a great position of leading myself! I had a feel for my values and motivators, but not clarity of my purpose.
Again to quote an amazing book [caution - it is a heavy read] by Viktor Frankl, he talks about Man's search for meaning . Written long before political correctness, it is a fantastic book, that talks about 'people' having purpose. After I read it I realised that I had a greater purpose in life simply being in the 'rat race'. This cartoon summed it up for me.
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| source unknown |
Throughout this blog we will look at the roles that I have, many of these you have too. I will continue explaining my personal journey, as well as sharing hints and tips along the way. These have all helped me become better in those roles I have in work and in life, be that as a coach, leader, husband (just checking dear is that ok?!), and dad!
To begin, and to help you, here are 3 questions that helped me gain a sense of perspective, balance and most importantly for me 'purpose'. Take the time to capture some thoughts on the following questions. It'll take 5 minutes to get your initial thoughts down (take more if needed), then see where it leads you!
Consider work and private life when answering these questions:
What roles do I have?
What values do I have?
When I look at my roles and values what would I have wanted to have achieved in 1 year, 5 years and 10 years?
(For more detailed exercise instructions please email me phil@evalu8d.com, and I would be happy to send this over, my example here opens in new window )
When you have answered these questions you will have a better understanding of self! And from here who knows?
10 years on from that initial Moment of Truth, and first answering these questions. They have helped me to gain balance and be better at what I do, and I know they will help you become better at what you do too!
Remember - No one ever said on their death bed, "I wish I spent more time at the office!"
